L is for the way you look at me

So it's upon us once again. The big day. I've been around the flowers and hearts and pink cookie for weeks now. I'm convinced Valentine's day gets bigger every year. Today I am sick. I really didn't want to miss church. Dad's messages are always compelling. Being alone in the house has allowe me to sit back and think. So, I turned on the TV and put it on a worship service. As the worship leader started the songs and the camera turned toward the congregation God convicted me. The songs they were singing were beautiful. The message of God's love toward us, of his faithfulness and mercy. The story of the gospel of Christ was coming off their lips, but when I looked at them I was heartbroken. How can we sing of such a miracle and not be moved in the slighest. I realize we aren't asked to put on a show for God, but we are asked to worship. In light of Valentine's Day, how can we think of the unbelievable love God has for us and stand in His presence and show no emotion, humility, brokenness, remorse, or feeling of any kind. When we can speak of such a God and not be moved, there is something wrong. THINK of what God has done for us. We deserve death. God gave up his only  child to not just bear the physical pain of death, but the emotional pain, the spiritual pain and compete and utter rejection from His father. All of that so that we could live. God doesn't want us to just exist, he wants us to LIVE. He wants us to live a life of joy and fulfillment. God's love doesn't fail. He is eternally patient and kind. He keeps no record of wrong. He loves us. He wants us. Let's repent and allow ourselves to be moved by God.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can definitely hurt me. It's amazing how mistakes can haunt you the rest of your life. It's unbelievable how harsh words can creep up under your skin and bite you. I found out the other day that apparently people think I'm shallow and skanky. My immediate verbal response was to just shrug it off and not worry about what other people think of me. The seed had been planted though. The people who say these things about me are defintely not a part of my every day circle of life, so why should I care what they think...right? I do. It got me thinking "am i shallow?" Do the people who think I'm a bad person...are they right? I've always thought I was an alright gal. I mean I know I messed up but isn't that what second chances are for? Well, it's really getting to me. Now I'm even doubting the authenticity of some of the people who claim to be my friend. How do I know what you really think of me? How do I know if what you tell me to my face is true, when I hear that you say things about me behind my back. Words really do hurt. I know I care too much about what others think of me, but in this culture appearances are everything. Apparently, second chances don't actually exist. Oh they do in name...but forgive and forget? That's not real. I wish people could get to know me before judging me. I wish people actually cared. I wish people would watch what they say because words can have a lasting effect and can really wound someone. I wish people would understand, accept and move on from the fact that I have been stupid and dumb and I own up to my mistakes. But I'm not the only one who makes mistakes. Let it go.